Sunday, February 05, 2012

Tebow Christ Superstar, The Complete Musical



The following is the culmination of a project I’ve been working on for a few weeks. It started as just a Twitter joke about the applicability of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Jesus Christ Superstar musical to Tim Tebow’s rise and fall, but got stuck in my head and turned into something more. Sure, Tebow isn’t playing in today’s Super Bowl, but he’s still very much present in the coverage; he notably drew more attention than Joe Montana at one point and was featured in an ESPN pre-game special. Given that his mortal adversaries, the Patriots, are featured in today’s Super Bowl, I figured it was as good a time as any to post this (that, and I finally finished it). Following in the success of The Marchand Of Venice, the Bucholtz Repertory Company presents the total conversion of Jesus Christ Superstar into Tebow Christ Superstar.

Dramatis Personae
Jesus – Tim Tebow, a TE or a QB?
Judas –John Fox, the Broncos’ coach
Caiaphas – Bill Belichick, the Patriots’ coach
Annas – Tom Brady, the Patriots’ QB
Mary Magdelene – Katy Perry, a rumoured songstress who's been linked to Tebow
Simon Zealotes – Von Miller, the Broncos’ LB
Pilate – Roger Goodell, NFL commissioner
Herod – Gene  Sterotore, an NFL referee
Peter – Eddie Royal, the Broncos’ receiver
John – D.J. Williams, the Broncos’ LB
James – Champ Bailey, the Broncos’ safety
Priest – Bill O’Brien, the Patriots’ offensive coordinator
Soldiers, people in courtyard – Patriots’ Wes Welker, Jerod Mayo, Vince Wilfork, Rob Gronkowski

Heaven On Their Minds
John Fox:
My mind is clearer now
At last
All too well
I can see
Where our team
Soon will be
If you strip away
The myth
From the man
You will see
Tim Tebow’s
No QB

Tebow!
You've started to believe
The things they say of you
You really do believe
This talk of QB’s true

And all the wins we've notched
Will soon be swept away
You've begun to matter more
For the things you say

Listen Tebow
I don't like what I see
All I ask is that you listen to me
And remember
I've been your head coach all along
You have set them all on fire
They think they've found the new Messiah
And they'll hurt you when they find they're wrong

I remember when this whole thing began
No talk of QB then, we called you a tight end
And believe me
My admiration for you hasn't died
But every word you say today
Gets twisted 'round by John Elway
And he'll axe you if the team gets fried

Makati's most famous son
Should have stayed a great tight end
Like Gronkowski carving Ds
He’d have been free
Running routes and blocking pests
Would have suited Tebow best
He'd have caused his team no harm
No one alarm

Listen, Tebow, do you care for your team?
Don't you see this is all just a dream?
We’re from the AFC West
Have you forgotten how put down we are?
I am frightened by the crowd
For they are getting much too loud
And they'll crush us if we go too far
If we go too far

Listen, Tebow, to the warning I give
Please remember that I want us to live
But it's sad to see our chances weakening with ev'ry hour
All your followers are blind
Too much heaven on their minds
It was beautiful, but now it's sour
Yes it's all gone sour
Ah --- ah ah ah --- ah
God, Tebow, it's all gone sour

Listen, Tebow, to the warning I give
Please remember that I want us to live
So come on, come on, listen to me.
Ah --- ah
Come on, listen, listen to me.
Come on and listen to me.
Ah --- ah.

What’s the Buzz

Broncos’ starters
What's the buzz
Tell me what the game plan is

Tebow
Why should you want to know?
Don't you mind about the future
Don't you try to think ahead
Save tomorrow for tomorrow
Think about today instead
I could give you tape and route schemes
I could give you plans and forecasts
Even tell you how we’ll run our plays

Starters
When do we
Ride into Foxborough?

Tebow
Why should you want to know?
Why are you obsessed with winning
Times and fates you can't defy.
If you knew the path we're riding
You'd understand it less than I

Starters
What's the buzz
Tell me what the game plan is.

Katy Perry
Let me try
To cool down your face a bit

Tebow
That feels nice, so nice
Katy, oooh, that is good

While you prattle through your playbooks
Where and when and who and how
She alone has tried to give me
What I need right here and now

Starters
What's the buzz
Tell me what's happening

Strange Thing, Mystifying

Fox
It's a strange thing
Mystifying
That a man like you
Can waste his time
With women of her kind
I can understand that she amuses you
But to let her stroke you
Kiss your hair
Is hardly in your line
It's not that I object
To her profession
But it doesn't seem to square
With what you do or say
It doesn't help
If you're inconsistent
They only need a small excuse
To put us all away

Tebow
Who are you
To criticize her?
Who are you
To despise her?
Leave her, leave her
Let her be now
Leave her, leave her
She's with me now
If your slate is clean
Then you can throw stones
If your slate is not
Then leave her alone!

I'm amazed that men like you
Can be so shallow, thick, and slow
There is not a man among you
Who knows or cares if I come or go

Starters
No you are wrong
You're very wrong
How can you say that!
How can you say that!

Tebow
Not one, not one of you!

Then We Are Decided

Bill Belichick
We've been sitting on the fence for far too long.

Tom Brady
Why let him upset us? Coach, just let him be.
All those imbeciles will see he really doesn't matter.

Belichick
But Tebow is important! We've let him go his way before
And while he starts a sports talk war, we theorize and chatter.

Brady
He's just another Scripture-thumping hack from Makati.

Belichick
The difference, they call him QB, the difference frightens me.
What about our owner? When he sees king Tebow crowned
Do you think he'll stand around cheering and applauding?
What about NFL fans? If they see we've lost our nerve,
Don't you think that they deserve something more rewarding?

Brady
They've got what they want, they think so anyway.
If he's what they want, why take their toy away? He's a craze.

Belichick
Put yourself in my place. I can hardly step aside.
Cannot let my hands be tied, I am law and order.
What about our organization? Don't you see that we could fall?
If we are to last at all, we cannot be divided.

Brady
Then say so to the locker room, but don't rely on subtlety.
Frighten them, or they won't see.

Belichick
Then we are decided?

Brady
Then we are decided.

Everything’s All Right

Perry
Try not to get worried
Try not to turn on to
Game films that upset you
Oh, don't you know
Everything's alright
Yes everything's fine
And we want you to sleep well tonight
Let the team turn without you tonight
If we try
We'll get by
So forget all about us tonight

Broncos' women
Everything's all right
Yes everything's all right yes

Perry
Sleep and I shall soothe you
Calm you and anoint you
Cloths for your hot forehead
Oh, then you'll feel
Everything's all right
Yes everything's fine
And it's cool and the ointment's sweet
For the fire in your head and feet
Close your eyes
Close your eyes
And relax
Think of nothing tonight

Broncos' women
Everything's all right
Yes everything's all right yes

Fox
Woman, your man’s  time
Scarce and expensive
Should have been saved for the plan
Why has it been wasted?
We could have accomplished
Much to keep the game well within hand.
Our players who are hungry
Our players who are starving
Matter more
Than Tim’s feet and hair

Perry
Try not to get worried
Try not to turn on to
Problems that upset you
Oh, don't you know
And we want you to sleep well tonight
Let the world turn without you tonight
If we try
We'll get by
So forget all about us tonight

Women
Everything's all right
Yes everything's all right yes

Tebow
Surely you're not saying
We have the resources
To save this team from its lot?
There’ll be bad teams always
Pathetically struggling
Look at the good things you've got!
Think while you still have me
Move while you still see me
You'll be lost
You'll be so sorry
When I'm gone

Perry
Sleep and I shall soothe you
Calm you and anoint you
Cloths for your hot forehead
Oh then you'll feel
Everything's alright
Yes everything's fine
And it's cool and the ointment's sweet
For the fire in your head and feet
Close your eyes
Close your eyes
And relax
Think of nothing tonight

Broncos' Women
Close your eyes
Close your eyes
And relax
Think of nothing

Everything's all right
Yes everything's all right yes

This Tebow Must Lose

Bill O’Brien
Good Belichick
The council waits for you
The coaches and QBs
Are here for you

Belichick
Ah gentlemen, you know why we are here
With not much time, and quite a problem here

Talk radio hosts and callers
Hosanna! Superstar!

Brady
Listen to that howling mob
Of blockheads praising Tebow's feats
A trick or two against the Steelers
And the country’s on its feet

All
He is dangerous! He is dangerous!

Radio
Tebow Christ, Superstar
Tell us that you are who they say you are

Coaches and QBs
He is dangerous, dangerous
That man is in town right now
To whip up some support
A rabble-rousing mission
That I think we must abort
He is dangerous

Radio
Tebow Christ, Superstar

Coaches
He is dangerous
Look, Belichick
They are right outside our yard
Quick, Belichick
Go call security guards.

Belichick
No, wait.
We need a more permanent solution to our problem.

Brady
What shall we do about Tebow of Makati?
Miracle worker, pilgrim or fool

O’Brien
The coverage, the talk shows, the callers, the ratings.

Belichick
One thing to say for him, Tebow is cool.

Brady
We dare not leave him to his own devices
His half-witted fans will get out of control.

O’Brien
But how can we stop him, his glamour increases
With every minute, he's top of the polls.

Belichick
I see bad things arising
The crowd crown him King
Which the Goodell would ban
I see blood and destruction
Our elimination because of one man
Blood and destruction
Because of one man

Coaches
What can we do about this Tebowmania?
How can we deal with a TE QB?
Where do we start with a man who is bigger
Than Kurt was when Kurt did his grocery-bag thing?

Belichick
Fools! You have no perception
With the stakes we are gambling
We cannot just cruise
We must crush him completely
So like Kurt before him
This Tebow must lose
For the sake of all football
This Tebow must lose
Must lose, must lose
This Tebow must lose

Hosanna

Crowd
Hosanna Heysanna Sanna Sanna Ho
Sanna Hey Sanna Ho Sanna
Hey TT, TT, won't you smile at me?
Sanna Ho Sanna Hey Superstar

Belichick
Tell the rabble to be quiet
We anticipate a riot
This common crowd
Is much too loud
Tell the mob who sing your song
That they are fools and they are wrong
They are a curse
They should disperse

Crowd
Hosanna Heysanna Sanna Sanna Ho
Sanna Hey Sanna Ho Sanna
Hey TT, TT, you're alright by me
Sanna Ho Sanna Hey Superstar

Tebow
Why waste your breath moaning at the crowd?
Nothing can be done to stop the shouting
If ev'ry fan was still the noise would still continue
The announcers  themselves would start to sing.

Crowd, with Tebow
Hosanna Heysanna Sanna Sanna Ho
Sanna Hey Sanna Ho Sanna
Hey TT, TT, won't you fight for me?
Sanna Ho Sanna Hey Superstar

Tebow
Sing me your songs,
But not for me alone.
Sing out for yourselves,
For you are blessed.
There is not one of you
Who cannot play at QB.
The slow, the suffering,
The quick, the dead.

Crowd and Tebow

Hosanna
Hey Sanna Sanna Sanna Hosanna
Hey Sanna Hosanna

Crowd
Hey TT,TT, won't you die for me?
Sanna Hosanna Hey Superstar

Von Zealotes

Crowd
Tebow, you know I love you
Did you see, I waved?
I believe in you and God
So tell me that I'm saved

Tebow, I am with you
Touch me, touch me, Tebow
Tebow, I am on your side
Kiss me, kiss me Tebow

Von Miller
What more do you need to convince you
That you have made it and you're easily as strong
As the filth from New England who destroyed our league
And who've terrorized our players for so long?

Crowd
Tebow, you know I love you
Did you see I waved?
I believe in you and God
So tell me that I'm saved

Tebow, I am with you
Touch me, touch me, Tebow
Tebow, I am on your side
Kiss me, kiss me, Tebow

Miller
There must be over fifty thousand
Screaming love and more for you
Everyone of fifty thousand
Would do whatever you ask him to
Keep them yelling their devotion
Add a touch of hate at the Pats’ code
You will rise to a greater power
We will win on the road
You'll get the power and the glory
For ever and ever and ever
You got the power and the glory
For ever and ever and ever
Amen! Amen!

Tebow
Neither you, Von, nor the fifty thousand
Nor the NFL, nor the Pats
Nor Fox, nor our starters
Nor Belichick, nor his coaches
Nor this doomed team itself
Understand what power is
Understand what glory is
Understand at all
Understand at all
If you knew all that I knew
My poor Denver Broncos
You'd see the truth
But you'd close your eyes
But you'd close your eyes
While you live
Your troubles are many
Poor Denver Broncos
To conquer the public
You only have to lose
You only have to lose

Goodell’s Dream

Goodell
I dreamed I met a Floridian
A most amazing man
He had that look
You very rarely find
The haunting, hunted kind

I asked him
To say what had happened
How it all began
I asked again
He never said a word
As if he hadn't heard

And next the room was full
Of wild and angry men
They seemed to hate this man
They fell on him and then disappeared

Then I saw thousands of millions
Crying for this man
And then I heard them mentioning my name
And leaving me the blame

The Stadium

Vendors
Hang on there, I’ll come to your seat
Come and ask, but it won’t come cheap
Take your pick of the stadium beer
Overpriced? Nah, never here

Name your price, I got everything
Come and buy, it's all going fast
Eat hot dogs on the priciest terms
Hurry now, while stocks still last

Tebow
This stadium should be a house of prayer
But you have made it a den of thieves
Get up! Get out!

My time as a QB
Is almost through
There’s little left to do
After all
I've tried for two years
Seems like thirty
Seems like thirty

Crowd of Broncos’ fans
See this team, it can hardly run
See this team, it can hardly pass
I believe you can make it whole
Do it quick, or we will not last

See the backs, they can’t cover
See the line, it can hardly stand
I have bet you can make them well
See my purse I'm a poor, poor man

Will you touch, will you mend them, Tim?
Won't you touch, will you heal them, Tim?
With your play, you can heal them, Tim
Won't you play, won't you pay me, Tim?

Tebow
Oh, there's too many problems, don't push me
Oh, there's too little of me, don't crowd me
Heal the team yourselves!

I Don’t Know How To Love Him

Katy Perry
I don't know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I've been changed, yes really changed
In these past few days
When I've seen myself
I seem like someone else

I don't know how to take this
I don't see why he moves me
He's a TE
He's just a TE
And I've had so many
Men before
In very many ways
He's just one more

Should I bring him down
Should I scream and shout
Should I speak of love
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this
What's it all about?

Don't you think it's rather funny
I should be in this position?
I'm the one
Who's always been
So calm so cool
No lover's fool
Running every show
He scares me so

I never thought I'd come to this
What's it all about?

Yet
If he said he loved me
I'd be lost
I'd be frightened
I couldn't cope
Just couldn't cope
I'd turn my head
I'd back away
I wouldn't want to know
He scares me so
I want him so
I love him so

Banned For All Time

Fox
Now if I help you
It matters that you see
This sordid kind of things are
Coming hard to me
It's taken me some time
To work out what to do
I weighed the whole thing up
Before I came to you
I had no thought at all
Of my own reward
I really didn't come here
Of my own accord
Just don't say I'm
Banned for all time!

I came because I had to
Because I'm the one who saw
Tebow can't control it
Like he did before
And furthermore I know
That Tebow thinks so too
Tebow wouldn't mind
That I was here with you
I have no thought at all
Of my own reward
I really didn't come here
Of my own accord
Just don't say I'm
Banned for all time!

Tom, you're a friend
A worldly man and wise
Bill, my old friend
I know you sympathize

Why are we the prophets?
Why are we the ones?
Who see the sad solution
Know what must be done?
I have no thought at all
Of my own reward
I really didn't come here
Of my own accord
Just don't say I'm
Banned for all time!

Brady
Cut the protesting
Forget the excuses
We want information
Get up off the floor

Belichick
We have the game plan
We need to destroy him
You know his playcalls
We’ve got the scheme

Brady
Your help in this matter
Won't go unrewarded

Belichick
We'll pay with our own tapes
Spygate once again
We just need to know
Where the DL can find him
With no blockers around him
We’re sure to win

Fox
I don't need your Spygate tapes!

Belichick
Oh, that doesn't matter
Our expenses are good

Fox
I don't want your Spygate tapes!

Brady
But you might as well take them
We think that you should

Belichick
Think of the things
You can do with that footage
Choose any team
And just pick them apart
We've noted your motives
We've noted your feelings
These aren’t Spygate tapes
They’re a work of art!

Fox (hands tape over)
On every first down
You'll find him where you want him
Far from the OL
Trying to run option left

Chorus
Well done, John Fox. Good old John Fox.

The Last Supper (at a New England restaurant)

Broncos’ starters
Look at all my trials and tribulations
Likely to play out between the lines
Don't disturb me now, I can’t see the answers
But till this evening is this morning, life is fine

Always hoped I would be a starter
Knew that I would make it if I tried
Then when we retire we can write our bios
So they'll still talk about us when we've died

Tebow
The end . . .
Is just a little harder when brought about by friends
For all you care, this wine could be my blood
For all you care this bread could be my body
The end!
This is my blood you drink
This is my body you eat
If you would remember me when you eat and drink . . .
I must be mad thinking I'll be remembered - yes
I must be out on the booze!
Look at your blank faces! My name will mean nothing
Ten minutes after I lose!
One of you denies me
One of you betrays me

Starters
Not I! Who would? Impossible!

Tebow
Eddie will deny me in just a few hours
Three times will deny me - and that's not all I see
One of you here dining, one of my bosses
Will leave to betray me -

Fox
Cut out the dramatics! You know very well who -
Tebow
Why don't you go do it?
Fox
You want me to do it!
Tebow
Hurry, they are waiting
Fox
If you knew why I do it . . .
Tebow
I don't care why you do it!
Fox
To think I admired you
Now I despise you!
Tebow
You liar - you Judas
Fox
You wanted me to do it!
What if I just stayed here
And ruined your ambition?
Tim, you deserve it!

Tebow
Hurry you fool, hurry and go,
Save me your speeches
I don't want to know - Go! Go!

Starters
Look at all my trials and tribulations
Sinking in a gentle pool of wine
What's that in the bread it's gone to my head
Till this evening is this morning life is fine

Always hoped that I would be a starter
Knew that I would make it if I tried
Then when we retire we can write our bios
So they'll all talk about us when we've died

Fox
You sad pathetic man - see where you've brought us to
Our playoff hopes die around us, all because of you
But the saddest cut of all -
Someone has to turn you in
Like a common criminal, like a wounded animal
A jaded tight end
A jaded tight end
Like a jaded, faded, faded, jaded, jaded tight end

Tebow
Get out! They're waiting! Get out! They're waiting!
Oh! They're waiting for you!

Fox
Every time I look at you I don't understand
Why you let the things you did get so out of hand
You'd have managed better if you'd read my game plan -
Ah --- ah

Starters
Look at all my trials and tribulations
Sinking in a gentle pool of wine
What's that in the bread it's gone to my head
Till this evening is this morning life is fine

Always hoped that I would be a starter
Knew that I would make it if I tried if I tried
Then when we retire we can write our bios
So they'll still talk about us when we've died

Tebow
Will no one try and play with me?
Eddie? D.J.? Champ?
Will none of you try to save me?
Eddie? D.J.? Champ?

Foxborough (I Only Want To Say)

Tebow
I only want to say
If there is a way
Take this game away from me
For I don't want to taste its poison
Feel it burn me,
I have changed I'm not as sure
As when we started
Then I was inspired
Now I'm sad and tired
Listen surely I've exceeded
Expectations
Tried for two seasons
Seems like thirty
Could you ask as much
From any other TE?

But if I lose
See the saga through
And do the things you ask of me
Let them hate me, hit me, hurt me
Nail me to their scoreboard
I'd want to know
I'd want to know my God
I'd want to know
I'd want to know my God
I'd want to see
I'd want to see my God
I'd want to see
I'd want to see my God
Why I should lose
Would I be more noticed
Than I ever was before?
Would the things I've said and done
Matter any more?
I'd have to know
I'd have to know my Lord
I'd have to know
I'd have to know my Lord
I'd have to see
I'd have to see my Lord
I'd have to see
I'd have to see my Lord

If I lose what will be my reward?
If I lose what will be my reward?
I'd have to know
I'd have to know my Lord
I'd have to know
I'd have to know my Lord

Why, why should I lose?
Oh, why should I lose?
Can you show me now
That I would not lose in vain?
Show me just a little
Of your omnipresent brain
Show me there's a reason
For your wanting me to lose
You're far too keen on where and how
But not so hot on why
All right, I'll lose!
Just watch me lose!
See how, see how I lose!
Oh, just watch me lose!

Then I was inspired
Now I'm sad and tired
After all I've tried for two seasons
Seems like ninety
Why then am I scared
To finish what I started
What you started
I didn't start it
God thy will is hard
But you hold every card
I will drink your cup of poison
Set me up for them and break me
Bleed me, sack me
Beat me, take me now
Before I change my mind

The Pregame

Fox
There he is
The line’s asleep, the fools

Tebow
Coach, must you betray me
With a tape?

Eddie, D.J., Champ
What's the buzz
Tell me what's happening
Hang on Tim
We're gonna fight for you

Tebow
Put away your pads
Don't you know that it's all over
It was nice but now it's gone
Why are you obsessed with fighting?
Stick to football from now on

Adam Schefter, Chris Mortensen
Tell me Tim how you feel tonight
Do you plan to put up a fight?
Do you feel that you've had the breaks?
What would you say were your big mistakes?
Do you think that you may retire?
Did you think you would get much higher?
How do you view your coming game?
How will you do against Bill’s brain?

Come with us to see Belichick
You'll just love the coach’s house
You'll just love seeing Belichick
You'll just lose in the coach’s house

Come on Tim this is not like you
Let us know what you're gonna do
You know what your supporters order
You'll escape in the final quarter

Tell me Tim how you feel tonight
Do you plan to put up a fight?
Do you feel that you've had the breaks?
What would you say were your big mistakes?

Come with us to see Belichick
You'll just love the coach’s house
You'll just love seeing Belichick
You'll just lose in the coach’s house

Now we have him, now we got him
Now we have him, now we got him

Belichick
Tebow you must realize
The serious charges facing you
You say you're a QB
In all your handouts
Well is it true?

Tebow
That's what you say
You say that I am

Brady
Now that we have the gentleman
What more evidence do we need?
Coach Fox, thank you for the victim
Stay a while and you'll see him bleed!

Crowd
Now we have him, now we got him
Take him to Goodell, take him to Goodell!

Eddie’s Denial

Wes Welker
I think I've seen you somewhere
I remember
You were endorsing that scrappy QB
They will beat up
I recognize your face

Eddie Royal
You've got the wrong man here, Wes
I don't support him
And I wasn't even
On TV tonight
Never near the place

Vince Wilfork
That's strange
For I am sure I saw you on air
You were surrounded by mikes
And yet you deny it?

Royal
I tell you
I was never ever on-air

Rob Gronkowski
But I saw you too, bro
It looked just like you

Royal
I don't know him!

Katy Perry
Eddie, don't you know what you have said
You've gone and cut him dead

Royal
I had to do it
Don't you see?
Or else they'd go for me

Perry
It's what he told us you would do
I wonder how he knew?

Before Goodell

Goodell (over players’ headsets)
Who is this broken man?
Cluttering up my playing field?
Who is this unfortunate?

Jerod Mayo
Someone Tebow, QB of the Broncos

Goodell
Oh so this is Tim Tebow
I am really quite surprised
You look poised to fall
Not a QB at all
We all know that you are news
But are you a QB?
QB of the Broncos?

Tebow
That's what you say

Goodell
What do you mean by that?
That is not an answer
You're deep in trouble friend
Someone Tebow, QB of the Broncos
How can someone in your state
Be so cool about your fate?
Amazing to see
This silent QB
Well, I’m not a referee
So you need not come to me
You're in Sterotore’s game
So he must take the blame

Crowd
Hosanna, hey sanna, sanna sanna ho
Sanna hey, sanna ho, sanna
Hey TT,TT, please explain to me
You had everything, where is it now?

Sterotore’s Song

Gene Sterotore
Tebow, I am overjoyed
To meet you face to face
You've been getting quite a name
All around the place
Healing crippled teams
Raising playoff hopes from the dead
Now I understand you're a QB
At least that's what you've said

So you are the Tebow
You're the great Tim Tebow
Prove to me that you're divine
Change my Gatorade to wine
That's all you need show
Then I'll know it's no hoax
C'mon King of the Broncos

Tebow you just won't believe
The hit you've made around here
You’re all ESPN talks about
You're the wonder of the year
Oh what a pity
If it's all a lie
Still I'm sure
That you can rock the cynics if you try

So if you’re the Tebow
Yes the great Tim Tebow
Prove to me you're no TE
Throw a go route, that’d be cool
If you put on a show
Then I'll let you go
C'mon King of the Broncos

I only ask what I'd ask any superstar
What is it that you have got
That puts you where you are? Oh, ho ho
I am waiting
Captivated to see
I'm dying to be shown
That you are not just any TE

So if you’re the Tebow
Yes the great Tim Tebow
Show us how you throw the ball
That’s your motion? Is that all?
Well, has something gone wrong?
Tebow, why do you take so long?
Aw, c'mon King of the Broncos

Hey! Aren't you scared of me, Tim?
Mr. Wonderful Tim                                                                        !
You're a joke, you're not the Lord
You are nothing but a fraud
Take him away
He's got nothing to say!
Get out you King of the
Get out you King of the,
Get out you King of the Broncos!
Get out of here, you, you!
Get out of here, you!
Get out of my game!

Could We Start Again, Please?

Katy Perry
I've been living to see you
Dying to see you but it shouldn't be like this
This was unexpected, what do I do now?
Could we start again, please?

I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is just a dream
Could we start again, please?

Eddie Royal
I think you've made your point now
You’ve even gone a bit too far to get the message home.
Before it gets too frightening we ought to call a halt
So could we start again, please?

Fox Loses His Job

Fox
My god, I saw him
For four quarters, he looked dead
And he was so bad
I had to turn my head
They beat him so hard
That he was bent and lame
And I know who everybody's
Going to blame
I don't believe he knows
I acted for our good
I'd save him all the suffering
If I could
Don't believe
Our good
Save him
If I could

Brady
Cut the confessions
Forget the excuses
I don't understand why
You're filled with remorse
All that you've said
Has come true with a vengeance
The mob’s turned against him
You've backed the right horse

Belichick
What you have done
Will be the saving of football
You'll be remembered forever
For this playoff fate
And not only that
You've been paid for your efforts
Pretty good footage
For one little tape

Fox
Tim!
I know you can't hear me
But I only did what you wanted me to
Tim!
I'd sell out the NFL
For I have been saddled
With the demise of you
I have been spattered
With innocent blood
I will be dragged
Through the slime and the mud
I have been spattered
With innocent blood
I will be dragged
Through the slime and the mud

I don't know how to love him
I don't know why he moves me
He's a TE
He's just a TE
He's not a QB
He's just the same
As any TE I know
He scares me so!
In the offseason
Will he let me be?
Does he love me too?
Does he care for me?
Ohhhhh...

My mind is darkness now
My Elway, I am sick
I've been used
And you knew
All the time
Elway, I'll never ever know
Why you chose me for your crime
For your foul bloody crime
You have taken my job!
You have taken my job!

Chorus
So long, John Fox. Poor old John Fox.

Goodell
And so the QB
Is once again my guest
And why is this?
Was Sterotore unimpressed?

Belichick
We turn to the league
To sentence Makati
We have no law
To stop him at QB
We need him defeated
It's all you have to do

Goodell
Talk to me, Tim Tebow
You have been brought here
Manacled, abandoned by your own team
Do you have the first idea
Why you deserve it?
Listen, king of the Broncos,
Where is your kingdom?
Look at me
Am I a Broncos’ fan?

Tebow
I have got no kingdom
In this league
I'm through, through, through
There may be a kingdom for me
Somewhere If I only knew

Goodell
You're a QB

Tebow
It’s you that say I am
I look for truth
And find that I get damned

Goodell
What is truth?
Is truth unchanging law?
We both have truths
Are mine the same as yours?

Crowd
Crucify him, crucify him!

Goodell
What do you mean
You'd crucify your king?

Crowd
We have no king but Goodell!

Goodell
He's done no wrong
No, not the slightest thing

Crowd
We have no king but Goodell
Crucify him!

Goodell
I see no reason
I find no evil
This man is harmless
So why does he upset you?
He's just misguided
Thinks he can play QB
But to keep you vultures happy
I shall let them score 45 points on him

Crowd
Crucify! Crucify!

Goodell (counting off the 45 points)
One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten! Eleven!
Twelve! Thirteen! Fourteen! Fifteen! Sixteen! Seventeen! Eighteen!
Nineteen! Twenty! Twenty-one! Twenty-two! Twenty-three! Twenty-four!
Twenty-five! Twenty-six! Twenty-seven! Twenty-eight! Twenty-nine!
Thirty! Thirty-one! Thirty-two! Thirty-three! Thirty-four! Thirty-five! Thirty-six! Thirty-seven! Thirty-eight! Thirty-nine! Forty! Forty-one! Forty-two! Forty-three! Forty-four! Forty-five!

Goodell
Where are you from, Tebow?
What do you want, Tebow?
Tell me!
You've got to be careful
You could be out of a job soon
Could well be
Why do you not speak
When I have your career in my hands?
How can you stay quiet?
I don't believe you understand!

Tebow
You have nothing in your hands
Any power you have
Comes to you from far beyond
Everything is fixed
And you can't change it

Goodell
You're a fool, Tim Tebow
How can I help you?

Crowd
Crucify him! Crucify him!
You’re Roger Goodell
You have a duty
To preserve football
So crucify him!
You'll be overthrown
You'll be sent to MLS
So crucify him!

Goodell
Don't let me stop
Your great self-destruction
Lose if you want to
You misguided martyr!
I wash my hands
Of your demolition
Lose if you want to
You innocent puppet!

Superstar

John Fox
Every time I look at you
I don't understand
Why you let the things you did
Get so out of hand
You'd have managed better
If you'd read the game plan
Now why'd you choose such a strange position
In such a strange land?

If you'd played TE
You could have inspired the whole nation
Instead, you’re only a star of mass communication
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now
Don't you get me wrong

Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know, now
Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know, now
Only want to know

Tebow Christ
Tebow Christ
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Tebow Christ
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?

Tell me what you think
About your friends at the top
Now who'd you think besides yourself
Was the pick of the crop?
Montana, was he where it's at?
Is he where you are?
Could John Elway move a mountain
Or was that just PR?
Did you mean to lose like that?
Was that a mistake or
Did you know your messy loss
Would be a record-breaker?

Don't you get me wrong Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now Don't you get me wrong

Only want to know Only want to know
Only want to know, now Only want to know
Only want to know Only want to know
Only want to know, now I only want to know

Tebow Christ
Tebow Christ
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Tebow Christ
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?

Tebow Christ
Tebow Christ
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Tebow Christ
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?

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