Tebow Christ Superstar Redux: The Manning Move

When I wrote a total conversion of Andrew Lloyd Webber's famed Jesus Christ Superstar rock opera about Denver Broncos' quarterback Tim Tebow, most of it fit surprisingly well. The issue, of course, was betrayal, though; while Tebow may be overhyped and overrated, it was difficult to imagine his own team turning against him, so I had to concoct a Spygatesque plot to get it to work. Truth remains stranger than fiction (a surprisingly excellent movie, by the way), however, and the Broncos have just executed a stunning betrayal of Tebow (who did manage to lead them to a playoff win over Pittsburgh before getting crushed by New England), signing Peyton Manning to take over at quarterback. To that end, I've quickly rewritten the last three songs to reflect this new reality. Here they are, with Broncos' executive vice-president John Elway (the man who got the Manning deal done) as Judas, Manning and ESPN analyst Mel Kiper (one of the most prominent Tebow critics) as Annas and Caiaphas, Roger Goodell reprising his role as Pilate, Broncos' owner Pat Bowlen as the unseen presence behind the scenes, one of my other interests making a cameo, and Tebow, of course, playing the superstar:


Elway's Betrayal

Elway
My God, I saw him
With Manning signed, he’s dead
But he was so bad
I had to turn my head
They beat him so hard
That he was bent and lame
And I know who everybody's
Going to blame
I don't believe he knows
I acted for our good
I'd save him all the suffering
If I could
Don't believe
Our good
Save him
If I could

Manning
Cut the confessions
Forget the excuses
I don't understand why
You're filled with remorse
All that you've said
Has come true with a vengeance
The mob’s turned against him
You've backed the right horse

Kiper
What you have done
Will be the saving of football
You'll be remembered forever
For what you did on this day
And not only that
You got Peyton for your efforts
Pretty good reward
For just one FA

Elway
Tim!
I know you can't hear me
But I only did what you wanted me to
Tim!
I’m off into hiding
For I have been saddled
With the demise of you
I have been spattered
With innocent blood
I will be dragged
Through the slime and the mud
I have been spattered
With innocent blood
I will be dragged
Through the slime and the mud

I don't know how to love him
I don't know why he moves me
He's a TE
He's just a TE
He's not a QB
He's just the same
As any TE I know
He scares me so!
If he’s traded
Will he let me be?
Does he love me too?
Does he care for me?
Ohhhhh...

My mind is darkness now
My Bowlen, I am sick
I've been used
And you knew
All the time
Bowlen, I'll never ever know
Why you chose me for your crime
For your foul bloody crime
You have taken my TE!
You have taken my TE!

Chorus
So long, Elway. Poor old Elway.

Trial Before Goodell

Goodell
And so the QB
Is once again my guest
And why is this?
Was Elway unimpressed?

Kiper
We turn to the league
To sentence Makati
We have no law
To stop him at QB
We need him to be gone
It's all you have to do

Goodell
Talk to me, Tim Tebow
You have been brought here
Manacled, abandoned by your own team
Do you have the first idea
Why you deserve it?
Listen, king of the Broncos,
Where is your kingdom?
Look at me
Am I a Broncos’ fan?

Tebow
I have got no kingdom
In this league
I'm through, through, through
There may be a kingdom for me
Somewhere If I only knew

Goodell
You're a QB

Tebow
It’s you that say I am
I look for truth
And find that I get damned

Goodell
What is truth?
Is truth unchanging law?
We both have truths
Are mine the same as yours?

Crowd
Crucify him, crucify him!

Goodell
What do you mean
You'd crucify your king?

Crowd
We have no king but Goodell!

Goodell
He's done no wrong
No, not the slightest thing

Crowd
We have no king but Goodell
Crucify him!

Goodell
I see no reason
I find no evil
This man is harmless
So why does he upset you?
He's just misguided
Thinks he can play QB
But to keep you vultures happy
I shall send him to the CFL

Crowd
Crucify! Crucify!

Goodell
Where are you from, Tebow?
What do you want, Tebow?
Tell me!
You've got to be careful
You could be out of a job soon
Could well be
Why do you not speak
When I have your career in my hands?
How can you stay quiet?
I don't believe you understand!

Tebow
You have nothing in your hands
Any power you have
Comes to you from far beyond
Everything is fixed
And you can't change it

Goodell
You're a fool, Tim Tebow
How can I help you?

Crowd
Crucify him! Crucify him!
You’re Roger Goodell
You have a duty
To preserve football
So crucify him!
You'll be overthrown
You'll be sent to MLS
So crucify him!

Goodell
Don't let me stop
Your great self-destruction
Lose if you want to
You misguided martyr!
I wash my hands
Of your demolition
Leave if you want to
You innocent puppet!

Superstar

Elway
Every time I look at you
I don't understand
Why you let the things you did
Get so out of hand
You'd have managed better
If you'd read the game plan
Now why'd you choose such a strange position
In such a strange land?

If you'd played TE
You could have inspired the whole nation
Instead, you’re only a star of mass communication
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now
Don't you get me wrong

Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know, now
Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know, now
Only want to know

Tebow Christ
Tebow Christ
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Tebow Christ
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?

Tell me what you think
About your friends at the top
Now who'd you think besides yourself
Was the pick of the crop?
Montana, was he where it's at?
Is he where you are?
Could Tom Brady move a mountain
Or was that just PR?
Did you mean to leave like that?
Was that a mistake or
Did you know your messy exit
Would be a record-breaker?

Don't you get me wrong Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now Don't you get me wrong

Only want to know Only want to know
Only want to know, now Only want to know
Only want to know Only want to know
Only want to know, now I only want to know

Tebow Christ
Tebow Christ
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Tebow Christ
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?

Tebow Christ
Tebow Christ
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
Tebow Christ
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?