Sporting Madness

Continuing our quest to be your number-one source of sports song parodies , here's the most appropriate (far more than some , at least) way to summarize the saga of Manti Te'o and his fake girlfriend . Is that...Journey ? Why, yes, yes it is: Just an internet girl, livin' in a made-up world She took the midnight calls from anywhere Just a ND boy, living in South Bend, not Detroit He made the midnight calls goin' anywhere A hoaxster in a online room  A smell of pizza and pot fumes On the phone, they can share the night  It goes on and on and on and on Media, waiting, up and down the boulevard Writing profiles in the night Te'o, deceived? Or lying just to find emotion? Hiding, somewhere in the night. Working hard to get his fill, Looking for that online thrill  Payin' anything to talk to her,  Just one more time Some will win, some will lose Some were born to sing "I'm used!" Oh, this story never ends It goes on and o...

In an effort to corner the market on Tim Tebow-themed musical compositions , here's another one! This isn't even written by me, but was brilliantly put together in a Christmas Eve series of tweets by Global's Justin McElroy (a former CIS Blog colleague). Here they are, preserved in a Storify for posterity and ease of reading:

There's nothing like a good round of recasting TV or movies for sports , and one particular adaptation that's been in my head for a while (thanks to Twitter discussions with Jenn Annis and Matthew Scianitti ) is a CFL version of The Lord of the Rings . Given that I spend far too much time thinking about the CFL and am a complete Lord of the Rings nerd, this was an obvious choice. Here's what I came up with. (Keep in mind this is all in fun, and not meant to suggest that certain teams or personalities are good or evil!) Jim Popp/Montreal as Sauron/Mordor : If anyone deserves the title of Lord of the Rings in the CFL at the moment, Popp's a good candidate. (You can make a case for Wally Buono as well, as he actually has five Grey Cup rings to Popp's four, but Montreal's eastern geography, long string of divisional championships,  recent back-to-back Grey Cups and overarching dominance speak in favour of Popp, plus there's a better fit for Buono later on.)...

Community  and SEC football are both great things, and as we all know, great things are great together. Also, my mind works in mysterious ways; ESPN declaring Steve Spurrier as the most-hated coach of all time surprised me, as South Carolina-era Spurrier seems to give off a Pierce Hawthorne vibe; sure, he's often annoying, grumpy and pushing others' buttons, and he's an odd fit amongst today's group of SEC coaches, but there's value to having him around and everyone just sort of ignores his terrible moments. That led to a discussion with Lisa  and Eddie about recasting Community  SEC-style, and it turned out to fit surprisingly well. Here's what we came up with (casting's a group effort, comments are mostly mine): Steve Spurrier as Pierce Hawthorne:  Spurrier's famed trash-talking of other schools ("You can't spell Citrus without UT," "Free Shoes University," Auburn library fires , etc) is straight out of Pierce's play...

When I wrote a total conversion of Andrew Lloyd Webber's famed Jesus Christ Superstar rock opera about Denver Broncos' quarterback Tim Tebow, most of it fit surprisingly well. The issue, of course, was betrayal, though; while Tebow may be overhyped and overrated, it was difficult to imagine his own team turning against him, so I had to concoct a Spygatesque plot to get it to work. Truth remains stranger than fiction ( a surprisingly excellent movie , by the way), however, and the Broncos have just executed a stunning betrayal of Tebow (who did manage to lead them to a playoff win over Pittsburgh before getting crushed by New England), signing Peyton Manning to take over at quarterback . To that end, I've quickly rewritten the last three songs to reflect this new reality. Here they are, with Broncos' executive vice-president John Elway (the man who got the Manning deal done ) as Judas, Manning and ESPN analyst Mel Kiper (one of the most prominent Tebow critics) as Annas...

Top CFL free agent Andy Fantuz is apparently off in Africa somewhere,and hasn't signed anywhere yet. Glen Maskerine had the brilliant idea to reference Toto's famous song, and that inspired me to rewrite the lyrics for him. Here you are: They hear the tweets echoing tonight But I hear only whispers of some CFL conversation GMs are coming in, 12:30 flight The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards free agency I stopped an old man along the way Hoping to find some long-forgotten wisdom or means of celebrity He turned to me as if to say, "Hurry boy, money's waiting there for you" It's gonna take a lot to get me to sign with you There's nothing a hundred thousand bucks could ever do I bless the rains down in Africa Gonna take some time to sign the deal I've never had The wild Riders' fans cry out in the night As they grow restless, longing for some WR company I know that I must do what's right As sure as sales ...

The following is the culmination of a project I’ve been working on for a few weeks. It started as just a Twitter joke about the applicability of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Jesus Christ Superstar musical to Tim Tebow’s rise and fall, but got stuck in my head and turned into something more. Sure, Tebow isn’t playing in today’s Super Bowl, but he’s still very much present in the coverage; he notably drew more attention than Joe Montana at one point and was featured in an ESPN pre-game special. Given that his mortal adversaries, the Patriots, are featured in today’s Super Bowl, I figured it was as good a time as any to post this (that, and I finally finished it). Following in the success of The Marchand Of Venice , the Bucholtz Repertory Company presents the total conversion of Jesus Christ Superstar into Tebow Christ Superstar. Dramatis Personae Jesus – Tim Tebow, a TE or a QB? Judas –John Fox, the Broncos’ coach Caiaphas – Bill Belichick, the Patriots’ coach Annas – Tom Brady, the Patrio...

It's no secret that sports media as a whole are collectively losing their minds over Denver Broncos' quarterback Tim Tebow, who embraces all the clichés about "will to win" and somehow triumphs despite not usually being, you know, a good quarterback. It's even less surprising that the Worldwide Leader In Vaguely Sports-Related News is leading the charge. Still, as Adam Kramer remarked earlier, ESPN's piece asking LeBron James what he thinks of Tim Tebow is the most ESPN story of all time. Surely that means the ESPNocalypse is near, especially as certain newspapers have already ventured into hellfire and damnation (as you can see from the Boston Metro cover at right). In the spirit of that, we present two pieces. First, a dramatic reworking of the first three paragraphs of Grantland Rice's " Four Horsemen ", timely considering how ESPN has appropriated the man's name : Outlined against a blue screen in Bristol, Connecticut, the Four Horse...

It's remarkable how insane the Vancouver Canucks - Boston Bruins rivalry has become lately following Saturday's Stanley Cup rematch . It's led to everything from fanbase and organizational fights to media going after bloggers who cover the other team to reporters verbally duking it out with opposing players to allegations of media defacing the NHL's media guides merely because a player they didn't like adorned them. There are some serious questions about the media's role in all this, and I talked about some of them this morning in an excellent discussion with Jessica Quiroli and others. Serious discussions aren't a lot of fun, though, so instead, I present one of the wackier ideas that came to mind; rewriting Shakespeare's "The Merchant of Venice" (original quotations available here ) to cover the Vancouver-Boston rivalry, and particularly Boston's Brad Marchand's polarizing hit on Sami Salo and subsequent suspension . Thanks to ...

The people from Taiwan's  Next Media Animation   have their own take on who to root for in the Stanley Cup finals, plus how to make them more interesting. Check it out: Best use of a tiger since John Cleese's classes in self-defence against fresh fruit:

Sometimes, I get an idea in my head and can't get it out. This is one of those times. Here's how Will Muschamp's first press conference as the head coach at the University of Florida should have played out: (I know the transitions and such aren't perfect, but cut me some slack. I'm a writer, Jim, not a video editor!) [Thanks to Spencer Hall and Holly Anderson at Every Day Should Be Saturday for the inspiration .]