Sporting Madness

(Photo from The Red Line ) Gary Bettman's most recent interview with Ron MacLean, which just aired on CBC's pre-game show, clearly is deserving of its own place in history on the Unintentional Comedy Scale . I recommend at least a 78: better than the Super Bowl Shuffle but not quite up there with Bill Clinton's denial . Credit to MacLean for going after Bettman with both barrels blazing, instead of throwing the softballs usually delivered at the commissioner's public appearances (often by broadcasters from his league's own network ) or by callers to his radio show . A key topic of conversation was sports business columnist extraordinaire Rick Westhead's piece in the Toronto Star yesterday, which revealed that the six Canadian teams (20 per cent of the league, if you're keeping track) account for a staggeringly disproportionate 31 per cent of the league's gate receipts. This provoked incredible hilarity, as Bettman tried to bash the piece as sensationa...

(Photo from (gasp) AveryNation . Makes me question who I hate more, Crosby or Avery. I think Avery wins by a nose, due to the Vogue internship and the whole Elisha Cuthbert thing, but Crosby's pretty close). I don't want to make it seem like I'm always ragging on the Globe and Mail's William Houston, but his column today annoyed the hell out of me. Here's the highlights (lowlights?). "Let's see. He's the youngest player to be appointed as the captain of an NHL team. This is his first Stanley Cup final. Hard to tell, but he may still be hurting from an ankle injury that sidelined him for 29 games in the regular season. On Wednesday, Sidney Crosby scored two of the Pittsburgh Penguins' three goals and logged almost 20 minutes of ice time to lead the Penguins back into their series against the Detroit Red Wings. It was a terrific performance. But guess who received the attention during the Hockey Night in Canada postgame coverage? Gary Roberts. The s...

Photo: Mike Amoroso prepares to serve at the OUA finals in Hamilton (Andrew Bucholtz photo). Some interesting news on the volleyball front. After a four-day selection camp that wrapped up Wednesday, Gaels' right-side hitter Joren Zeeman and middle hitter Mike Amoroso were both named to the Canadian Junior National Team . Both were able to crack the Queen's starting lineup as rookies this year and played major roles in the team's OUA silver medals. Zeeman finished fourth in OUA competition in points per game (3.95) and sixth in kills per game (3.30). He also recorded 17 service aces, thirteenth amongst OUA athletes and third on the Gaels behind veterans Jeff DeMeza and Devon Miller, and he earned the Alfie Pierce Trophy as Queen's top male rookie and was named the OUA rookie of the year in men's volleyball. Amoroso led the Gaels' hitters with a 0.430 kill percentage, which was the 13th-best recorded in OUA competition. He had an excellent year, and managed to ea...

Another tragedy has struck a promising hockey prospect with a great future in front of him. Not even four months after the death of Calgary Flames' prospect Mickey Renaud , Canucks' defenceman Luc Bourdon dies in a motorcycle crash in New Brunswick . According to the Globe and Mail 's story , the police have said that a motorcycle hit a transport truck head-on. They didn't release the victim's name, but Bourdon's sister confirmed it was him. This is terribly sad. Bourdon, a first-round draft pick (10th overall) back in 2005, had so much potential, and really seemed to be entering a phase of his career where he could be an everyday NHL defenceman. In fact, if he hadn't been in the Canucks' organization which boasts one of the deepest defence corps in the league, he probably would have played a full season at the NHL level last year. It's a big loss for the team, as he was probably their most promising minor-leaguer last year. More importantly, though,...

(Photo from SLAM Online ) The end of tonight's Spurs-Lakers clash featured a use of the Stern Button (credit for which goes to the brilliant Matt McHale of Basketbawful ) if I've ever seen one. The Spurs were down by two with a couple seconds left, grabbed the ball under their own basket and quickly called timeout, giving them possession in Lakers' territory. Robert Horry inbounds the ball to Brent Barry, who is in excellent position for a three, but can't get it off cleanly while receiving a flying elbow to the head from one Derek Fisher of the Lakers. He still chucks it up at the buzzer, expecting the foul, but then turns in disbelief to see the officials with their whistles already returned to their jewel-encrusted cases in preparation for the trip to L.A. for Game Five, perhaps subtly prompted by a couple shocks from the Stern Button. Now, instead of a 2-2 series where anything could happen, the Lakers have an almost insurmountable 3-1 lead, and Emperor Palpatine, ...

In unbelievably perfect timing, Frank "The Big Hurt" Thomas turns 40 today, and his Oakland Athletics take on the Toronto Blue Jays this evening. Everyone remember how shabbily he was treated by the Jays' organization, including being benched for the supposed crime of not producing in April (which probably had more to do with his contract , despite the denials by J.P. Ricciardi, who is known to be as truthful as Clay Bennett )? Well, I didn't like the move then , and wrote that I thought it might weaken the team this season for purely penny-pinching reasons. Also, the logic is somewhat stupid, as the Jays are now paying Thomas almost $8 million this year to tear up the league for Oakland, who got him for the bargain-basement price of $337,000. Anyways, let's look at some stats to examine the impact of the move. As I pointed out in my post on Thomas' release, April had always been his worst month, and he'd always come around. Before leaving the Jays, he...

Just to continue on with the Stanley Cup playoff predictions: the Detroit-Pittsburgh series kicks off tonight, so I thought I'd put a quick post up with my pick. I love Pittsburgh's offensive firepower, and I have more faith in their goaltending (Fleury instead of Osgood), but I don't trust their defence. Also, Detroit has the experience, they have the scoring depth, and they have some amazing defencemen in Lidstrom, Rafalski and Kronwall. I've been going against the Red Wings all playoffs long, thinking that someone would be able to expose their flaws of only average goaltending and a high collective age, but no one in the West was able to handle them. It should be an interesting series, and I'll be rooting for Pittsburgh all the way, but my prediction is Wings in six.

VILLAGER #1: We have found a witch. May we burn her? CROWD: Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her! BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch? VILLAGER #2: She looks like one. CROWD: Right! Yeah! Yeah! BEDEVERE: Bring her forward. WITCH: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch. BEDEVERE: Uh, but you are dressed as one. WITCH: They dressed me up like this. CROWD: Augh, we didn't! We didn't... WITCH: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one. BEDEVERE: Well? VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose. BEDEVERE: The nose? VILLAGER #1: And the hat, but she is a witch! VILLAGER #2: Yeah! CROWD: We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah! BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this? VILLAGER #1: No! VILLAGER #2 and 3: No. No. VILLAGER #2: No. VILLAGER #1: No. VILLAGERS #2 and #3: No. VILLAGER #1: Yes. VILLAGER #2: Yes. VILLAGER #1: Yes. Yeah, a bit. VILLAGER #3: A bit. VILLAGERS #1 and #2: A bit. VILLAGER #3: A bit. VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart. RANDOM...

To make a Major League Soccer franchise, you will need: - One (1) large metropolitan area with a long soccer tradition - One (1) billionaire owner committed to building a soccer-specific stadium at his own expense - At least three (3) natural rivals either in the league , entering the league , or pushing for an expansion slot . - 48, 172 fans who come out for a mere exhibition game against an MLS side (granted, one with a noted superstar ) - One (1) prominent and highly recognizable Canadian soccer player , national coach, Hall of Fame member, club coach, star executive, team president, spokesperson , TV commentator and newspaper columnist to helm the franchise bid. - One (1) soccer-specific waterfront stadium (NOTE: Highly desirable, but can be replaced temporarily by the following concoction: one (1) aging stadium that's shown it can handle high-level soccer matches , one (1) provincial premier willing to step into the breach left by local authorities and spend money on spor...

Some interesting news came out today. The Vancouver Whitecaps, who have been trying for ages to give the city a privately-funded new showcase stadium (supposed to be paid for entirely by Vancouver multi-millionare Greg Kerfoot, the team's owner who has been a key financial backer of the growth of soccer in Canada) with little success, may have finally made the breakthrough needed on a stadium of suitable size to support their Major League Soccer ambitions. However, the potential breakthrough has come from an unexpected direction that may cause as many problems as it creates. According to local radio station CKNW, both the Whitecaps and Lions will be represented tomorrow morning at a news conference called by B.C. Premier Gordon Campbell , which is believed to be on the subject of a new retractable roof for B.C. Place. The Whitecaps told CKNW last week that they'd consider playing in B.C. Place with the new roof if it helped their chances of landing an MLS franchise. On the fac...

Some of the finest things about soccer are the inventive anthems each team's fans come up with. They can reference a past triumph, immortalize a particular player, or mock rival players, teams, fans and even the referees. They're also one of the prime reasons why soccer is so much more interesting and interactive than other sports: most North American pro sporting experiences involve blasting canned music (occasionally all right), doing "The Wave" (see Drunk Jays Fans for a great takedown of that one), running stupid animations on the scoreboards (Ben Knight had a nice rebuke of those), or trying to pump people up via the stupid NoiseMeter (no outside destruction of this is needed). Songs have always been a hallmark of the European soccer experience, but they've caught on in North America as well: the Whitecaps have long used "White is the Colour" (a takeoff on the popular Chelsea song " Blue is the Colour "), and TFC supporters have come up ...